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Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intima cy, by Andrew Newberg, Mark
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In our default state, our brains constantly get in the way of effective communication. They are lazy, angry, immature, and distracted. They can make a difficult conversation impossible. But Andrew Newberg, M.D., and Mark Waldman have discovered a powerful strategy called Compassionate Communication that allows two brains to work together as one. Using brainscans as well as data collected from workshops given to MBA students at Loyola Marymount University, and clinical data from both couples in therapy and organizations helping caregivers cope with patient suffering, Newberg and Waldman have seen that Compassionate Communication can reposition a difficult conversation to lead to a satisfying conclusion. Whether you are negotiating with your boss or your spouse, the brain works the same way and responds to the same cues. The truth, though, is that you don't have to understand how Compassionate Communication works. You just have to do it. Some of the simple and effective takeaways in this book include: • Make sure you are relaxed; yawning several times before (not during) the meeting will do the trick • Never speak for more than 20-30 seconds at a time. After that they other person's window of attention closes. • Use positive speech; you will need at least three positives to overcome the effect of every negative used • Speak slowly; pause between words. This is critical, but really hard to do. • Respond to the other person; do not shift the conversation. • Remember that the brain can only hold onto about four ideas at one time Highly effective across a wide range of settings, Compassionate Communication is an excellent tool for conflict resolution but also for simply getting your point across or delivering difficult news.
- Sales Rank: #23635 in Books
- Brand: Newberg, Andrew, M.D./ Waldman, Mark Robert
- Published on: 2013-07-30
- Released on: 2013-07-30
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.02" h x .61" w x 5.28" l, .44 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 272 pages
About the Author
ANDREW NEWBERG, M.D., is the director of research at the Myrna Brind Center of Integrative Medicine at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital. He lives in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania.
MARK ROBERT WALDMAN is adjunct faculty at Loyola Mar ymount University. He lives in Los Angeles.
Most helpful customer reviews
108 of 115 people found the following review helpful.
Done it again
By Neil Schuitevoerder
WORDS CAN CHANGE YOUR BRAIN
Newberg and Waldman have done it again! Oprah picked their last book as a "Must Read" for 2012, and in this book they've identified 12 brain-based strategies that can surely help - at home or work - to improve communication skills. The technique is called "Compassionate Communication:" you enter a state of deep relaxation and focus, which includes an inner values exercise, then, when you converse with another, they teach you specific techniques involving nonverbal expressions and vocal tones. One strategy creates a "Mona Lisa" smile that causes the listener's brain to neurologically resonate to the speaker to build trust and foster cooperation. I've used many of these techniques and they can be powerful. The book includes a 20 minute training exercise and I've seen people tear up after a few minutes of practice.
Here are some of the highlights of my favorite chapters:
In THE POWER OF WORDS, the authors show how negativity can undermine a dialogue. They discuss the 3:1 positivity ratio that has been proven to improve personal relationships and work productivity.
In THE MANY LANGUAGES OF THE BRAIN, the authors cover cutting edge research involving the evolution of speech. Some words even have specific flavors!
THE LANGUAGE OF CONSCIOUSNESS: This was one of my favorite chapters because it shows how everyday consciousness is governed by a constant flow of inner speech. When you interrupt it, your conversations can become really meaningful.
THE LANGUAGE OF COOPERATION:Apparently it takes about seven seconds to create a state of "neural resonance" between two people, and research even sheds light on how plants communicate with each other.
THE LANGUAGE OF TRUST: In this chapter the authors elucidate about micro-expressions on the face and how to read the subtle emotions in others. Of interest is the section on how to tell if a person is being honest or deceitful.
Ch 8 guides you through twelve steps, backed up by over 100 scientific studies. Ch 10 offers specific advice for using Compassionate Communication with couples. I found this very useful. Ch 11 shows how to apply it in work situations, and Ch 12 shows how easy it is to use with children. This was an extremely useful and fascinating book, original and easy to read!
47 of 48 people found the following review helpful.
12 Steps to more efficient commnunication
By Eve
The material presented in this book is very interesting; I listened to the audio book format and must confess if it weren't because I was listening to it on my commute to work I would probably never have finished it. I am glad I pushed through, because halfway (or towards the end of the book) I find out (spoiler alert) that studies have shown that when you speak slowly and using a monotone voice, the message is carried across "neutrally", the listener will have a chance to absorb what is being said and the message won't feel "aggressive". WOW! That explained why the book was read in a monotone voice speaking very s-l-o-w-l-y that at times had me zone out. The book also states that you should convey your message in 30 seconds or less, more than that and you will lose your audience.
I loved that this book was based on neuroscience. At one point in the book, Mark Robert Waldman explains how when we use words "for" both positive and\or negative exaggeration they generate distrust and disconnect in the listeners... Words like: amazing, excellent, fabulous, fantastic, incredible, marvelous, etc.... Good for me to know... now I need to go through all my reviews and remove all those words and make sure I am not using them in that way in my conversations...
In "Words Can Change Your Brain... " Andrew B. Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman shows us the power we have with our words. It was a very interesting read and while its not an "exciting" subject, the book does have useful "takeaways" to help us communicate more efficiently and positively.
While it was a good book (audio), I feel it was very wordy, I was almost relieved when I finished it. Don't know how to explain it, but it almost felt like it would take a long time for the "point" to be delivered. At times I would space out and "rewind".
41 of 45 people found the following review helpful.
Recommended for people with mouths
By Josiah Hultgren
Another great book from two of the world's most respected nuero-researchers
Word's Can Change your brain is one of the most insightful and practicable books for improving your day-to-day life.
Why is that? Because we talk a lot - probably too much as the book points out.
Throughout life we hear platitudes about the value of listening more than speaking, but Words Can Change Your Brain drives it home as something you want to do for yourself (assuming you'd like to be smarter, live longer, cultivate positive feelings, have deeper relationships, be more productive, influence people, resolve conflicts, etc.) Further, the book provides you with simple, research backed strategies to effective, perhaps life-transforming, conversation.
If the meaning of life is found in relationships, I can think of no better investment than to study communication; and Word's Can Change Your Brain is the perfect place to start.
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